Why so close? The concept of personal space is different in Mexico
What’s the best way to greet a stranger? How do I say hello to a friend? How much personal space is enough? Find answers to all these questions and more inside.(Graciela López/Cuartoscuro)
It’s been 21 years, but a part of me still feels a little flustered giving and getting pecks on the cheek.
It’s not that I agonize over it. It’s just that this perfectly normal way in Mexico of meeting and greeting non-family members and then bidding them adieu will never feel to me, on a cellular level, 100% non-sexual.
To this gal from a country where Puritans were the cultural founders of the current regime, it feels ever-so-slightly mischievous.
If you’ve spent any amount of time in Mexico, you’ve probably noticed it: this population’s sense of personal space is a bit different than ours, “ours” meaning those of us from the countries that currently send the most visitors and immigrants Mexico’s way.
In more formal situations or to greet people you have just met, a good handshake is sufficient. (Andres Manuel López Obrador/X)
So in the spirit of cultural knowledge-sharing, let’s dive right into the spaces between what’s considered familiar and normal in Mexico.
First, a general statement: Mexico is a much more “touchy-feely” country than its north-er North American counterparts, the United States and Canada. While there will always be variety among individuals within a culture, we know for our own on an instinctual level what’s normal and what’s not. For unfamiliar cultures, there’s some learning to be done!
Normal: Standing, walking, and talking very close to you. The short explanation: this is a matter of the physical space available and how many people live and reside within a certain area.
You’ve probably noticed that this is not a country of wide, open spaces… or at least people don’t tend to live in its wide, open spaces, anyway. Lots of things seem smaller, too, because they are: the aisles in the grocery store, the parking spaces, the cars, the bathrooms, the tables and chairs, the streets, the sidewalks, the buses, the metro (oh God, the metro).
When this is the case, you just get used to being a little cozier all around, as eventually people simply stop noticing when they’re closer than they need to be (to the point, sometimes, that you can easily smell people’s breath when they talk). Ick, and you’re allowed to back up or turn to the side if they don’t catch the hint and mindlessly follow you; “This is my good ear,” I might say to be polite. The smaller spaces also mean that most people are oblivious to the fact that you think they have any polite responsibility at all to move over to let you rush past them on the sidewalk. Move where?
Not normal: Standing or sitting right next to you when it’s not necessary to do so. If you’re packed into a metro, chances are you’re going to be standing pretty darn close to others. If you’re on a nearly-empty bus and someone plops down in the seat right next to you, though, you might want to get up and move toward the driver.
In Mexico, it is common to greet acquaintances and friends with a kiss on the cheek in casual situations.
Especially if you’re a woman, you’ll want to be cautious with distance. If your spidey senses are telling you that some dude is standing way closer behind you in line than he needs to, a full-bodied turn to the side (pro tip: get your butt to a point where it’s not facing him) and a quick “What do you want?” look is totally called for.
Normal: Quick pecks on the cheek to meet, greet, and bid farewell to friends and acquaintances, mostly in casual social situations. Ah, the kiss. If you’re from a place where kisses are mostly reserved for romantic partners and one’s own young children, kissing people who don’t fall into those categories might always feel just a little bit devious to you. It still does to me, and I’ve been here for over two decades. But oh, how I love having a set physical protocol and the bookends that they naturally put on either end of social interactions!
So how’s it done, exactly? First, it’s most typical to go in for it by moving your head slightly to the left. You’ll likely touch cheeks with the other person, but the kiss will mostly be in the air next to them and will not necessarily land on their skin. If you’re just meeting the other person, this might be accompanied by a simultaneous handshake that begins a second or so before, and if you already know them, you might lightly grab their left shoulder as well before pulling apart. If you’re good friends, a full-on hug could happen, too – oh, boy! Women and women kiss, women and men kiss, and men and men usually shake hands and maybe do the shoulder squeeze thing or a hug.
If you really don’t want to kiss-greet someone, just offer your hand for a shake, and use it to keep the distance between your bodies, which should get the message across.
Not Normal: Kisses from random strangers or in professional settings, and slobbery kisses planted firmly on your cheek (or on your mouth – yikes!). Remember, kisses are not required or expected in all social situations: you don’t kiss the clerk at the grocery store or the immigration officer or the person who’s interviewing you for a job.
Hugs are reserved for those closest to you, such as family and friends. (Graciela López/Cuartoscuro)
When I taught high school, I did not greet or say goodbye to my students with kisses – not even the ones I was on a friendly basis with (plus, we’d have never had time for the actual class!). Mexicans tend to be unshy about respecting social hierarchies, and it would be rare to lean in for a kiss toward someone in a position of either authority or subordination in relation to you, or you to them.
When in doubt, a handshake is always polite!
Normal: Hugs from good friends and family members; a light touch on the shoulder or arm from a stranger who needs your attention. It’s interesting to note that in a culture generally more comfortable with physical closeness and touching, hugs seem to be considered more intimate here than those air kisses next to the cheek. But if you think about it, it makes quite a bit of sense: a short moment of facial closeness is a lot less contact than pressing your entire bodies against each other for a few seconds! That’s why hugs are usually reserved for really good friends, family, and romantic partners.
Not normal: Hugs from strangers, or even acquaintances that you’re not close to; a stranger grabbing you or touching you anywhere below your shoulder. If you don’t want to press your body up against someone else’s, by all means, don’t – you’re not obliged! And if a stranger grabs you around your waist, whip around and give a well-deserved “back off” dirty look.
So there you have it! This is an article and not a book, of course, and is therefore not an exhaustive list. But I hope it’s given you at least a somewhat broad idea of what to expect in your personal interactions in Mexico. Go forward and kiss the air next to people’s faces!
Or maybe just a handshake.
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Cascarones: Mexican Style Easter Eggs
BY Tara A. Spears
Easter in Mexico is celebrated more around church with the highlight being a big multi-generational meal afterwards. Instead of commercially made stuffed toys or chocolate bunnies and marshmallow eggs, the children play with hand-made confetti stuffed egg shells and piñatas.
Throughout Mexico cascarones are a staple for family gatherings. The fun is derived from breaking the egg over someone’s head and watching the confetti shower. Some people think that the confetti shower brings good luck and good fortune but, for children, the pleasure is simply breaking the eggs and enjoying the ensuing flutter of colors.
When you think about it, giving kids a non-fattening gift that keeps them active (and out of the adults’ hair) is a better choice. Over the years I’ve made cascarones-Mexican Easter eggs- with all of my grandkids. What a fun and special time!
The girls are focused on creating pretty eggs; the boys are into the mess that occurs when the egg is broken and the confetti flies out. Grandma tip: best done outdoors. For 2024, I purchased the hollowed-out shells and will let the grandkids decorate and fill them. With six grandkids, I need a large number of eggs and it would be more raw egg than I could cook up while fresh.
Historians have traced the birthplace of the cascarones custom back to China. It’s believed that the decorated egg shells were brought from Asia by Marco Polo. These original eggs were filled with a perfumed powder and the eggs were used as gifts. From Italy the tradition was carried to Spain and then to North America. Carlotta, the wife of Emperor Maximilian, was so fascinated by the eggs that she brought them to Mexico during her husband’s rule in the mid 1800’s. Of course, religious beliefs became entwined with the secular custom. The tissue decorated eggs symbolically represent the Resurrection of Jesus Christ; the breaking of the egg symbolizes how Christ had risen from the tomb, just like a new born chick opens the shell to begin its life.
In Mexico people replaced the perfumed powder with confetti and named the egg shells cascarones, which derives from the Spanish word “Cascara” meaning shell. In Mexico cascarones were very popular for about a century but the tradition eventually faded. Only in the late 1960s was there resurgence in popularity as a family tradition. Most people make their own but you can find beautiful hand-crafted, intricately designed eggs that sell for as much as $100 pesos for a single cascarone!
The first photo shows what tools are needed to make cascarones: darning needle, paring knife, thin ribbon (optional) magnet. Push the large needle into the small end of a raw egg. I also pierce the opposite end of the eggs then use the knife to gently make the hole larger. The middle photo shows blowing out the egg from the shell. It helps to be sure to pierce the yolk before blowing to have the insides come out easier. You will be making lots of quiche or scrambled eggs after this project.
Next rinse out the shell and let dry. When the shell is dry, you can enlarge the bottom hole and add confetti. After stuffing the shell, gently glue a piece of tissue paper over the egg, sealing the confetti inside. The last step is to decorate the prepared egg with colored markers, glitter glue, foam cut outs, whatever the kids like.
Making and giving cascarones is a lovely Mexican custom that is so much fun to do with grandkids. These versatile decorated confetti eggs are not just for Easter, but can be used on other special days, such as Day of the Dead, birthdays, or even weddings, any time you want to entertain children.
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Exotic Coastal Cuisine: Delectable Octopus
Tara A. Spears
“Mexican food is an aphrodisiac which excites the passion for living. It courts, seduces, ravishes, then cherishes all five senses.” – Richard Condon
Put this on the top of your to do bucket list: sample octopus. Along coastal Mexico, fresh seafood is a trademark and the local chefs create amazing entrees. Octopus can be prepared by blanching it in boiling water and then baking it, as well as boiling, grilling, or poaching. Because octopus evolves in taste depending on what ingredients are used when cooking, many prefer to eat it raw.
Local master chef, Jesus Glez said, “Octopus has a unique flavor but can be complemented with many types of marinades and salsas, it is very versatile.” His restaurant in La Colonia (north La Penita), Expresso89, features several tasty dishes featuring octopus: “We have fried octopus in tacos, or sautéed for chilaquiles, and included in our seafood burritos.” The majority of area restaurants include octopus in their shrimp cocktail and use it in beer cocktails.
There are around 300 species of octopus worldwide and, while they are technically mollusks like clams and oysters, they have the ability to control their movement. Like squid and cuttlefish, they are cephalopods, meaning their “arms” are seemingly attached directly to their heads. Octopuses have three hearts, eight arms and nine brains. A mouth like a parrot’s beak. No skeletal structure. And the amazing ability to change not only their size, color and patterns, but their texture as well to blend in, almost invisibly, with their surroundings.
P
redators often swim right past them completely unaware the octopus is inches away. If it is discovered, it can eject a large cloud of ink, like a smoke screen, to obscure the attacker’s vision and swim away. Octopus are very fast swimmers, expelling water through their siphon, kind of “jet propelling” themselves through the water, and being boneless, they can squish themselves into the smallest crevice. If all else fails and it is actually grabbed by a predator, it can lose an arm or two if it has to, and regenerate them later with no permanent damage. Fascinating animals!
Many people wonder, what does it taste like? Octopus in not muscus-y like raw osters because the meat is very white with a nice, firm texture. If prepared correctly, it is not tough or chewy, but actually quite tender. To me, they taste kind of “scallopy” and “crabby” at the same time, and can be served in cold dishes as well as hot preparations.
Another star chef, Julio Parra of Julio’s Steakhouse in La Penita, says “octopus is very delicious and can be prepared in different ways such as ceviches, salads, aguachile, toasts, cocktails, garlic mojo, diablo, cucaracha, sarandeado. I personally prepare it in our restaurant using fines herbs.” He went on to explain that it is better to freeze octopus rather than using fresh caught because freezing kills possible harmful bacteria and makes the meat more tender. Julio shared one of his popular recipes, “Pulpo a la cucaracha” that is picante and flavorful but you should let him make it for you!
Thank you to chefs Jesus and Julio for sharing their tips for cooking octopus. “The most used technique is to “scare” the octopus (immerse it in boiling water for 5 seconds and remove it, repeat three times) and then let it cook until soft” said Jesus. “Add herbs, vegetables and spices to the water to give it more aroma and flavor.”
Typical seasonings that are used when preparing octopus: clove, garlic, chili, bay leaf, onion, citrus fruits, celery, etc.) Sometimes chefs add a touch of wine to make it softer. An interesting belief is to add wine bottle corks or copper coins, although it is more out of tradition than science. Once cooked, the octopus can be breaded, sautéed or coated to fry as well as it can be marinated prior to being grilled or roasted in a pan with butter. The following photos are Jesus preparing octopus and a couple of his entrees.
Octopus are not only great to eat but they have some real health benefits. They are a good source of manganese, which aids in the metabolism of cholesterol and carbohydrates, vitamin B12, riboflavin, calcium, iron, potassium, and they are an essential source of amino acids which help build protein and reduce the risk of cancer. Maybe best of all, they are low in fat, low in calories, and are a lean source of protein, ideal if you’re following a Whole 30, Paleo or Keto diet. Lately, octopus has gained in popularity NOTB as well as throughout interior Mexico in fine dining, high-class restaurants.
You can experience excellent octopus dishes at these two restaurants in La Penita: Expresso89 on the highway or downtown -Julio’s
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